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The boundaries of a healthy relationship are not a threatening sign. Talking about setting boundaries in a relationship doesn't mean you're parting ways with your partner, even if the initial mention elicits an annoyed sigh in response.
If you're in the honeymoon phase, you may have forgotten to put boundaries on your relationship. If you and your partner are open to anything (and I mean anything), you shouldn't worry that the conversation will hurt each other's feelings.
While love is meant to bring you closer together, setting boundaries means making sure the two of you don't end up dependent on each other. Let's get into that and talk about everything you need to know with the help of a psychologist.Nandita Rambia(MSc, Psychology) specializing in CBT, REBT and couples therapy.
So why do we need healthy boundaries in relationships?
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The boundaries of a healthy relationship aren't often discussed, and it's not just about what you think is right and what isn't. Even if it seems to be the hardest conversation,Nanditasays, "Most of the time, boundaries are set automatically as the relationship progresses."
Confused about setting boundaries in romantic relationships? Let's get down to basics. If you are one of those guys who never urinate in front of your partner in front of an open door, then this will be a treat for you.
Healthy relationship boundaries allow you to communicate what you want and need from the relationship. No, voyeuristic peeing doesn't count. By talking to your partner about what's right and what's not, you're sure to minimizecommunication errors.
“The boundaries and expectations of a healthy relationship are important,” says Nandita. “Sometimes we need to talk and share our needs to establish some ground rules for the relationship. This is important because you don't want to lose your own identity as a person and you still want to maintain a healthy relationship,” she adds.
Boundaries give your life a sense of control and allow you to be who you are without compromising the relationship. When you have an understanding partner, it will be easy to establish healthy boundaries. Assuming you both don't want to be defined as each other's other half, it's important to maintain your own personality.
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Related reading: 23 Little Things That Make Your Marriage Stronger Every Day
While in a relationship, we may be inclined to make life decisions in favor of the dynamic. As blessed as you feel to have a partner who doesn't move to another city in search of a great job opportunity so you can continue living with you, such decisions can have repercussions down the road.
You might feel a little guilty, while your partner might use the victim as an excuse.gas light thatin the future. He can even throw this victim in your face if you have a chance to get promoted and move to another city.
What are healthy boundaries in a relationship?
Setting healthy boundaries in a relationship means you can make decisions that benefit you and move you forward. Without feeling like you're being selfish, you can give your spouse the kind of space he needs to be happy.
For example, there are no hard and fast rules about how much your partner's phone can handle. She might pick it up if she sees it ring while they're in the bathroom, but checking her phone for messages might not be the best thing to do.
Sometimes partners don't understand that sharing also has limits. You cannot go out and share passwords and toothbrushes. When constant intrusion leaves a person feeling smothered and disrespected, healthy boundaries come into play.
"Individual needs are different, so boundaries are different in every relationship," says Nandita. “You can discuss important topics that are completely taboo. Such topics could be family, career, maintaining friendships, profanity, PDA, etc.
“However, what is most important is open communication and a genuine need to understand and respect the couple's need to set certain boundaries. This will be one of the pillars of a strong, happy, healthy equation,” she adds.
Setting boundaries in romantic relationships is a must, and it can stay that way.senior partnersin chess There are different types of boundaries in relationships, and what works for one couple may not necessarily work for another couple. The most important are physical and emotional boundaries, but you can also set healthy relationship boundaries with relatives, friends, and family.
Well, every person is different. Limits vary from person to person. Let's take a look at some common healthy boundaries to set in a relationship.
10 Healthy Relationship Boundaries to Strengthen Your Bond
Setting boundaries in the relationship may not seem like an important task because you feel your partner is aware of your likes and dislikes. Reality check: This is pure conjecture.
For your relationship to thrive, you need to set healthy relationship boundaries. Taking into account how comfortable you are with each other, of course. You need to be clear about what you want and how you want things to be and not focus on making adjustments here. This way you are already starting a committed relationship.
1. How digitally intimate will you be?
They areInstagram-PDA-Art? Is your partner bombarding you with notifications that he tagged you and 49 other people in a post about their relationship? You might be the one who constantly shares cute selfies of your partner, but your partner might not be.
Before opening your relationship to the online world, set boundaries if you both agree on them. Maybe your partner doesn't want to sell the relationship to the masses.
Or you don't want your family members or co-workers to pester you about your love life if you have nosy family members or co-workers. Whatever the reason, you need to be aware of the limitations. Talk about what you can and cannot share online. You know what they say, what's on the internet is always on the internet.
Related reading: The next time you hit social media, remember that you are ruining your relationship.
2. Communication is important, but how often?
Growing up with a full-time job and a relationship can take a long time. Maybe you like constant communication throughout the day, maybe a simple "thinking of you" with an emoji is perfect for you. Or maybe you like your job and don't want to receive messages that distract you while you work. Perhaps your partner is kind enough to call you at lunch because he wants to hear your voice.
Knowing what to communicate and how much should be one of the limits that couples must impose. Do you want your partner to stop by for your girls' night out? Or do you call him repeatedly when you're away for a business conference?
Nandita talks about how limiting communication can be a good example of how to set boundaries in a relationship. “If too much communication between partners is suffocating, you need to say so clearly. Taking time out for yourself or being alone helps to strengthen the bond and build trust over a longer period of time.”
This is one of the healthy boundaries to set, because nobody likes to be scolded. Choosing to ignore boundary setting can be a warning sign for the relationship.
3. Names By Which They Can Be Called
Escutetoo quirky for you? Can you call yourself a baby in front of your friends? Or do you prefer your partner to keep your real name? Communicate and decide what names you can call each other.
Most couples givesexy nicknameswith each other and end up doing a bunch of stupid things that they find endearing. But if you end up assuming your partner likes you as much as you do, it could be causing problems. You really can't call your partner by his nickname in front of your co-workers, right?
When thinking about the boundaries of a good relationship, nicknames might not be high on your list. But when you end up embarrassing your partner in front of your friends or family, you'll wish you had that conversation a long time ago. So keep your catchy names in the bedroom or use them on the long romantic road trip, but definitely not beyond.
4. Talk about family
If you and your partner have been together for a while, it is very likely that he or she is aware of your family problems. However, if you're a budding romance, new relationship boundaries, like not talking about family too much, might be a good idea.
It's healthy to set a limit on how you talk about each other's families. Is calling your mom a "critical bitch" going too far? Or do you really dislike communicating with one of your cousins? Make it clear to your partner what you like and what you don't, so he doesn't suddenly get angry when he gets too much.
You need to know how comfortable you are with your partner communicating with your family. Or insult them, for that matter. If you disagree with your partner and aren't talking about your family, setting a boundary can be a good thing, as family can be a touchy subject.
5. What commitment do you want?
Are you still looking for the perfect partner? You need to set those kind of boundaries, especially when the two of you aren't sure if you're right for each other or when you've just started dating. The sooner you define the relationship, the better it will be for you.
For example, if you set your dynamic to casual, you really wouldn't expect your partner to call you at all hours of the day, would you? And when they do, you might feel the need to set some boundaries. The types of boundaries in relationships don't just revolve around a hermetic monogamous dynamic.
Do you want a monogamous relationship? Is your partner okay with an open relationship? if you were in onepolyamorous flirting? Whatever kind of commitment you're looking for, be clear at the outset.
6. Boundaries with ex
Don't you think it's great that your partner's ex calls him at midnight? How often do they communicate? If you're still good friends, is it okay to go out to lunch every now and then?
“Borderlines with ex-boyfriends are always tricky. Ideally, being incommunicado with an ex is ideal, but it's often not possible. As a rule, the moment you start to feel insecure about how much your partner is relating to an ex, this is an issue that needs to be discussed”, says Nandita.
Setting clear boundaries with your ex will make your relationship smoother and leave no room for insecurities or jealousy. If you want to keep in touch with your ex, you also need to set clear boundaries.
7. Attractive deadlines
Are you ready to do that crazy thing your partner likes in bed? The beginning of the relationship can be hot and fiery. But setting clear sexual boundaries ensures that you don't worry about doing something in bed that you don't want to do.
In the future, this will prevent you from doing sexual favors for your partner that make him uncomfortable or hurt. Of all the possible types of boundaries in relationships, those that define what's okay and what's not okay in bed are perhaps the most important.
They can end up being the difference between healthy, consensual sex and something that makes you feel disrespected and abused. But if both agree without limits, that's fine too. Just communicate the things you're ready for and the things you're not.
8. Sharing is caring... but within limits
Maybe you don't want to share your bank details with your partner. It's not that you don't trust them (or maybe you do), but rather a sense of security you get from keeping your passwords and pins to yourself.
Perhaps your partner wants to open a joint account and is not yet comfortable sharing finances. Setting strict financial limits is important and should be carefully discussed.avoid financial infidelity. The same applies to sharing clothing or personal items. If your partner doesn't like you using the trimmer, you shouldn't use it.
Related reading: Perverted sex not with the woman?
9. Alone Time Limits
Everyone, and I mean everyone, deserves some alone time. Your partner may not like spending every hour of the day with you, and that's pretty healthy.
Even if you're the clingy type who doesn't mind spending every waking hour with your partner, remember that space is vital to any relationship. So when he's about to spend a Thursday night playing Mortal Kombat with his friends and you show up in your sexy bikini and beer, you're violating his alone time in a despicable way.
While you might play it off like you're cute and want to spend time with your partner, they might not take it seriously. Communicate with your partner about his and her need to be alone, and remember that time spent apart is naturally healthy for a relationship.
10. Fight the limits
Set limits on how you will fight. You don't like to fight in public? Does resolving disagreements with lots of yelling and breaking things trigger unhealthy spots in your head? How you resolve issues is an important boundary to set in a relationship.
Maybe your partner grew up with parents constantly yelling and arguing and would rather sit and talk than yell and scream. Maybe you're one of those who decides to talk about problems a few days later because you need some time to calm down. Set clear boundaries on how you want to handle relationship issues. And look what you haveWays to fight with respectas well as. You should also set limits on how you talk to each other when you're stressed.
Setting healthy boundaries in relationships isn't easy, nor is it easy to follow them. As trivial as a boundary may seem to you, it must be respected and it is definitely IMPORTANT. This may seem difficult at first, but soon both you and your partner will gain the skill and your relationship will get stronger over time.
If you're having a hard time setting boundaries and expectations for healthy relationships, Bonobology will help.Variety of experienced relationships.Counselors who would love to help you with your relationship issues.
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